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I'm writing to you from the front lines this year. I hope you get this before the holiday season ends. I'm never sure whether I'll have time to send it. It's been that kind of battle of late. Not enough soldiers, and definitely not enough generals at the top to send reinforcements. Besides, who wants to bring anyone else into a war like this one, an endless war where there are no winners?
In case you ever wondered, I do imagine winning. What it would be like for this war to end. Most soldiers do. It may not be understandable to those who are not in the darkness of the trenches fighting this same battle. But i expect you are in your own war, fighting enemies i may never encounter. War is like that, isolating, with the extra cruelty of feeling alone. Most of us shudder to think that "winning" could mean losing many of those we are fighting with and for. The pain of all of it plays like static, like background noise inside our souls. We've lost thousands already. But I digress; it's almost Christmas.
I was remembering how Momma used to make cider every Christmas. How the smell wafted through the house, and how sharp the taste of cinnamon and cloves was. I can almost taste it; even in this dark place I swear I smell it. It's the memories before this war that keep me going, and also break my heart.
Memories of relaxing with a book. Memories of laughter and family. Memories of hope...memories of how Christmas was before I was drafted, before the ones I love were wounded. Before there were so many innocent children lost in this manmade war.
In the darkness of the trenches my mind has too much time to ponder the reasons for this senseless war. My best guess is that it was started out of a desire for greed and power. I suppose that is what causes most wars. But aren't some wars holy? I should probably think about that for a while. Could there be a holy side to this war? The suffering and death of the innocent seems to answer a resounding YES!
i remember when the first battles began. Warriors stood up and said, "We know who you are, and we know what you've done! There is blood on your hands!" That kind of exposure was more than frowned upon, and they weren't warriors in the beginning. They were mothers and fathers demanding truth and justice! But the ones who spoke up were eventually silenced. They died for having said those words. But killing them didn't stop the truth...AND...Silencing the truth is difficult even for the most powerful.
But I've done it again...talked about the war when what I hoped to talk about was Christmas. I meant to say that death is the "last enemy" we will battle until Jesus makes everything new. What a magnificent day that will be! I say those words to myself when the battle is longer, or more intense than usual. On those days of bloody battles and endless seizures in the trenches. When there is a break in the fight and I eventually crawl out of that grave-like hole. The sun shines, a new day dawns, and my son still lives! I punch the air with both my fists, crying out in victory because one more time we have defeated death. I think of the day when God himself will "damn death" and it will have no more power over me or anyone else.
That may all sound like pie in the sky to you, but it's as sure as Christmas. You must remember, there was a time when even Christmas was only a promise...and then Jesus came. And that's my hope, the only hope I am solid on. One day he will split the sky wide open...I place all my trust in that promise. I realize it will take radical intervention to suffocate the lies and deception that swirl around this world. But on that great day, we will see our entire planet liberated in a cosmic rebirth of sorts. More than just pie in the sky...
But this Christmas, I confess, the trench is a cold, harsh, and brutally dark place. Seizures and grief, wounds and more wounded. But there is always hope...of that I am sure. This year, an old soldier stood before the most powerful leaders and cried out! I heard it myself. He spoke the truth; he pointed fingers and demanded recompense. It's a first, and on the darkest of days, tears of joy come because he has spoken the very words I would speak if ever I had the chance. Every soldier still in the trenches heard him say the words, and now we wait for redemption.
And in reply to your last letter, when you asked me about "care packages." You asked if there were things I wished for, that you wanted to tell others and give them ideas of what those at the front lines would need. I thought long and hard. About Christmas meals, and books of encouragement, and let's be honest, it is a rare soldier in the trenches that doesn't need money to help them survive. But none of those things seemed to "hit the spot." What would Jesus say is most valuable?
You may be surprised when I tell you...I have a list. I ask for your effectual fervent prayers. I ask that you pray for TRUTH to be revealed, and for those guilty of this sin against humanity to be held accountable. That those responsible at the very least are no longer allowed to wound and maim. That truth pierces the hearts of every man and woman... and that they breathe easier knowing that their child is safer.
And lastly, I appreciate your Christmas card. I look forward to all the cards from those who think of me. I received a Christmas card just last week in which a well-meaning stranger encouraged me that God was using suffering to build my character. I had to smile. I've heard that sentiment throughout this war. What I'd remind them of, if I had them face to face...is that not once did Jesus lecture anyone in the middle of their battle. "He healed them."
Remember, friend, whatever disturbs us, hurts us, wounds us. Disturbs God more. Whatever grief we feel, God feels it more. And whatever we long for, God longs for it more. My precious friend, I hope to see you this Christmas. I do long for the "good 'ole days' when life was easier, simpler, safer. But UNTIL that day comes, I will trust it is God that is writing my story and yours. And if it builds our character as a side effect, then I expect it is His divine purpose all wrapped up in things we are too small to comprehend. Sort of like the way the Son of God was made flesh and born in a manger, Merry Christmas, warriors.
LIGHT WATCHERS, Book ONE The Legend of Inheritance series, will release DECEMBER 27! Set an alert on your calendar. This story is gonna surprise you, shock you, make you laugh, and might even make you cry. BOOK TWO is available for PREORDER.
My stories are tales of overcoming darkness. There is a hero...usually a nonverbal, autistic hero. Imagine that?
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